Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
