I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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