last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
