where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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