you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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