Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
