went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
