Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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