I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
