Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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