it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
