Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
