I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
