Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
