I accidentally had phone sex last night
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
