It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
