I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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