Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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