I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
