Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
