I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
