Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
