how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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