WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
