didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
