so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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