Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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