i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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