I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
