i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
