Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
