Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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