the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
