idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
