i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
