dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
