Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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