I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
