I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
