just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
