I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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