We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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