gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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