you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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