I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
