I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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