Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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