I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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