This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So squirting runs in the family.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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