??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
