stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
