Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
