her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
