Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
